Subjectified, sex is for women

from Meet the Woman Who Wants You to Stop Thinking Sex is For Men by Chanel Dubofsky

I think the larger picture that I saw in Subjectified and that I’m seeing with Do Tell is that we keeping telling young women that sex is about men, that sex is for men. This is not true! Sex between two people is for both of those people. Does that sound obvious? But it’s not how we talk about sex, and for so many people it’s not a real part of their sexual dynamics.

It’s great that in Do Tell and Subjectified, we have examples of women who came to masturbation at different ages and for different reasons. When people see the clip from Subjectified of women talking about orgasm and masturbation, half the time the response is “obviously women masturbate!” The other half of the time, the response is, “Ew, I can’t believe she said that!” That’s telling.

I think a lot of women are very comfortable talking about masturbation. That’s great! But knowing that you can orgasm or how to orgasm isn’t quite the same as knowing that you have a right to safety and pleasure in a sexual situation.

So that’s what we’re seeing with people’s discomfort about masturbation. It’s hard to admit to having sexuality when there’s not a man involved, when we can’t “pin it” on someone else. This isn’t just about guilt over sex, it’s also about not having a working idea of what sex is about for women.

Where do you think the phenomenon of the “normal” female orgasm comes from?
I think the bigger, deeper question is why we feel insecure about the need for additional stimulation to feel pleasure. For one, it means that we have to acknowledge, in the bedroom, that there’s more going on than just what a male partner wants. We’re equating normal with good and abnormal with bad.

Trailer for Subjectified: Nine Young Women Talk about Sex from Melissa Tapper Goldman on Vimeo.

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